Viz Top Tips

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the adult comic, Viz?  I’ve opened up a new comedy-writing front, and have posted some contributions I’ve made to their Top Tips page.  I hope you like them – though if you’ve never locked into the surreal, puerile, humour of Viz you’ll think I’ve tekken leave of my senses…

Avoid scandalous car parking charges in London. You can park all day unmolested by simply by enclosing your car with orange barriers next to road works.  Barriers can be hired from any builders’ yard, and delivered by lorry the same day.

Mr L. Buzzard, That London.

MOTORCYCLISTS.  In order to gain attention, why not sit at the traffic lights revving your engine needlessly?  For maximum irritation, wait in the advance cycle zone in order to obstruct cyclists and intimidate pedestrians.

Mr L. Buzzard, Bedfordshire.

LONDON TOUR BUS DRIVERS.  Why not drive 5mph slower than regular buses?  This way, your passengers can experience a traditional British traffic jam, while watching a long line of irate drivers queuing behind you.  Make sure your passengers wave as they take their photos.

Mr L.Buzzard, Bedfordshire.

Make your neighbours think you have a high level job with the government by ostentatiously looking under your car every morning with a mirror on a stick.

Mr L. Buzzard, Bedfordshire.

Make people think you’ve just returned from an expensive long-haul holiday.  Just wrap an old suitcase in cling film and wheel it around town.

Mr L. Buzzard, Bedfordshire.

Eat your heart out, William Shakespeare!